I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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