Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
