God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
