I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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