last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize