is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
