literally had 100 drinks last night.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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