There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
