how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
