I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize