he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
