The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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