I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
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