I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
