Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
