I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
