STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
