i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the condom got lost in my hair
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
