you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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