talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
