the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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