And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize