Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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