i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
