I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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