Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
