He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
