sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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