Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
She needs sedatives and a leash
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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