1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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