Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
