just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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