I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
