jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
