"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
