Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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