Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I have tasted many bathrooms
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
