You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
