Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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