you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You're like the curious george of whores
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
