I wish my penis had an off switch
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
