he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
