I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
