Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
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my being single is dangerous.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
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How's your threesome situation going?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class