i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
