We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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