my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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