Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
