don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Sober January is a disaster.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
