Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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