a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
