So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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