Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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