All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
