and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
