i need an iv and a liver transplant
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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