Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
