so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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