Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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