so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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