i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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