I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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