My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
