chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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