I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
