I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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