If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
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I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
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My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.