how hairy? two words: wookie tits
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying