I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
